Natalie Portman Appreciation Day

A few years ago, it seemed like Jude Law was in everything. I couldn't sit through a movie preview without seeing that absurdly perfect jawline grinning at me. I didn't get it. Why did he want to be in so many movies at once? Was it like a game?

Well, now Jude sits not alone on that silly mantle; Natalie Portman appears to be in everything nowadays. And on the heels of her incredible performance in 'Black Swan' that will surely earn her an Oscar nomination (if not the award itself), we're going to take an entry here to look at Natalie Portman's upcoming slate, since you can't watch a preview right now without her surprising you showing up in it.

Let's get this started with a bang:

Thor (May 6, 2011)


Thor is a preview about people overreacting. People yell for no reason. Curse each other for no reason. Even the opening lines about "It's not easy to do what you did..." seems like an overreaction based on what they show us when he says it. From the looks of it, I could beat up those doctors and security guards.

I say this knowing that Kenneth Branagh is a great director and that in the film itself, none of these overreactions are likely to appear as such. But for argument's sake, the trailer sure looks like people overreacting. Father and son curse each other at the top of their lungs. Why? Not sure. But Thor is a dude who comes from a world where magic and science "are one in the same."

He is sent down to Earth in a classic overreaction and lands in front of Natalie Portman. His absurdly unbelievable reaction to waking up looking at her is to whine. Maybe his father was right in banishing him. He clearly is an idiot.

Things get hairy, people come after Thor. At one point, I'm pretty sure Gort's evil twin brother sets down in a small desert town and starts blowing stuff up and presumably Thor decides that Natalie Portman is worth killing for and decides to stop complaining. I promise there's nothing hotter than her where ever he's from.

Trailer works fine the way action-movie trailers do. Minimal set-up. Actions clips get meshed together to the point where they make no sense but sure do look cool. The Marvel cinematic universe continues to expand. 'The Avengers' gets further set up.

Nothing unique added to the mix. Casting looks interesting. But we won't talk about that. Today it's all about Natalie. So for this entry, we'll change our rating scale. We'll just give it a Natalie-watchability rating. 0-10 (ten being the highest)

NWR: Natalie looks good but trailer doesn't show her doing much. 6.

The Other Woman (limited release, February 4, 2011)


Switching gears from Thor, The Other Woman gives Natalie a chance to take center stage and be much more human. In this case, she's not dealing with a muscle-bound god who fell from the stars, she's dealing with the loss of her child and trying to fit into a family where her only true blood connection to them is lost.

Obviously an independent production and teeming with indie-film energy and style, The Other Woman looks pretty solid in the performance categories (except maybe for Lisa Kudrow, who fails to impress me in this trailer). But this piece really belongs to Ms. Portman, who gets to reach out for a maternal part of herself that she has really only barely touched on in films passed. 'Revenge of the Sith' totally doesn't count.

Story doesn't break any new ground, but like so many great pieces of art, it's in the presentation. Trailer also fails to break any new ground, but it does promise both in text and in the visuals that Portman gives a tremendous performance that could just be worth paying admission to see.

It's an interesting choice for her to be sure, but a good one where she can continue to stretch herself and prove that she has not only the looks but the talent to go the distance.

NWR: A great performance and she gets to be a sexy. But a baby does die. 8.

No Strings Attached (January 21, 2011)


What the heck is Natalie Portman doing in this movie?

Some studio exec at Paramount deserves a huge raise, though, because they are giving millions and millions of young men and women exactly what their bodies want: Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher in compromising positions. I speculate that the logic is this: every guy wants Natalie Portman as his friend with benefits. If she were to cry out, "Why can't we just have sex?" to any of us, we would do whatever she asked.

Similarly, millions of young woman like Ashton and think he's got the adorable sense of humor, but they want him to like them for them. So this movie gives an audience of millions a proxy that we can only dream about.

Well played, nameless Paramount executive.

But seriously, what the heck is Natalie Portman doing in this movie?

Trailer gives away just about everything except the last three minutes, and even those can be guessed at. Casting mostly works (Ludacris, really??) but really, the trailer adds absolutely nothing to the art of trailers or to the rom-com genre.

NWR: Spunky Natalie having a lot of sex. 10. But we also have to see Ashton Kutcher doing it with her. -5. Total: 5.

Your Highness (April 5, 2011)


I take it back. What is Natalie Portman doing in THIS movie?

I mean, they already have the adorable Zooey Deschanel as the damsel in distress. Is Portman necessary?

Not that I'm complaining. Of the four films that we have previewed here, this is the only one where she strips down to her underwear on screen. And if you think that's good, find the red-band version of the trailer.

Your Highness comes from the makers of the Pineapple Express, which doesn't help to sell me on the film any, but lets you know what kind of movie you're in for: one that takes two genres that aren't naturally designed to go together, and meshes them seriously. In this case, the stoner comedy and the medieval fantasy epic.

Unlike Pineapple, this one looks like it could just succeed with both, making a credibly fantasy adventure and a funny slacker/loser comedy.

Portman appears to be riffing on her Black Swan role by inhabiting the body of a tough, sexy killer served in a small portion. And it should be noted that between this and the preview for "Strings" that she has a knack for comedy. Her looks are used as an asset, but her timing is sharp.

All-in-all, this one oddly looks the most promising overall of the four we've seen here today.

NWR: Skimpy bathing suit, uses a sword, no Ashton: 10.

Well, that's all for this edition of Natalie Portman Appreciation Day. See you in 2015 when we preview seven movies starring Zac Efron.

Take Me Home Tonight

Before transforming the universe with 'Star Wars,' George Lucas gave us 'American Graffiti,' which was a slice-of-life about high school kids in the early 60s. With its famous tagline, "Where Were You in '62?" the flick was all about the sights, sounds, attitudes and music of the 1960s, pre-American involvement in Vietnam. The audience that made the film a hit was largely made up of those who grew up in the 60s, faced a crushing Vietnam war era and the domestic hardships that followed, and longed for those simpler times, when Wolfman Jack provided a running commentary on the night while young guys went cruising.

'Take Me Home Tonight' looks to be trying to cash in on the children of the 80s in a similar, though less-profound (and committed) way.

Picking up the mantle where 'Hot Tub Time Machine' and 'The Wedding Singer' left off, 'Tonght' is about a young man played by Topher Grace trying to get the girl of his dreams to fall in love with him, a plan which is summed up by Anna Faris in the trailer's single funniest line.

I'd also like to point out that Topher Grace was the star of 'That 70s Show' which says to me that the poor guy is simply built for a generation passed.

Not that this is a problem, as his comic timing appears to still be in perfect shape. The rest of the cast around him mostly works, as well. Anna Faris can make lemons out of lemonade like no one's business, and Dan Fogler (whose only other recognizable role was in the little-seen 'Fanboys') more-or-less works as the chubby, horny friend who will go to great lengths to receive female attention. You've seen the type. I guess he works it as well as any of them do.

Clearly the 80s love is there in the music ('Straight Outta Compton') the world (Grace works at Suncoast) and in the details (1980's James Cameron-staple Michael Biehn plays Grace's disapproving father).

But despite the cast and the obvious affection for the 80s, the trailer middles, interested more in showing off (kinda) funny set-pieces rather than any real sense of story. At one point, Grace mentions to his female love interest that he has hit rock bottom. How, exactly? Can we get a substantial hint? Something to compel us into seeing the movie?

I also noted that while the title card reports that the film takes place in 1988, at one point the film 'Twins' can be seen on video over Grace's shoulder at Suncoast. This would be cute except that 'Twins' was released in December of 1988, and if you recall the days of early home video, was likely a good 6-8 months away from being on shelves to take home.

Details like that, combined with the wandering trailer make me sad, for I fear the final product will not only fall short on story, but also on truly inhabiting the world of the 80s, thus effectively killing either reason to be interested.

Grace and Faris make me laugh, and look like they will be funny here. And I always like seeing Michael Biehn get work, but based on what is on display here, I have to say this gets no higher than "Maybe on TNT."

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

This preview for the upcoming fourth installment in the theme-park-ride franchise has the exact same effect on me that the two sequels had:

I can't really make sense of all of it, save for some vague idea what the story is about (the fountain of youth), it runs too long, but every ten seconds I am distracted by something funny that Johnny Depp does as Captain Jack Sparrow, and finally, it's pretty to look at with some dangerous stuff happening along with some scary stuff and some funny stuff. Hans Zimmer's swashbuckling score plays to my ears while my mind wanders countless times during the whole affair. Yet somehow, I get to the end and I think I enjoyed what I saw, but I can't really be sure. I don't remember.

Yes, the trailer does to me exactly what Pirates 2 and 3 did. I do not consider this a strength.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, besides not fitting entirely on many theater marquees, was a surprise to the world. First, it was about pirates, a genre that promised no return for the studio. Second, it was based on a theme-park ride. My goodness, how low had Disney sunk? And third, it had beloved character actor Johnny Depp playing the lead in a huge summer tent-pole picture.

And yet Pirates became as cool as glittery emo vampires are now, theme-park-based movies suddenly seemed (ever-so-slightly) less silly, and Johnny Depp stepped off a sinking boat into A-list movie-star status.

Then came those inevitable sequels, which made mind-numbing amounts of money and further developed the story of Captain Jack and the Robin to his Batman, Will Turner.

Now the time has come for number four, but what's this? Gone is Robin and now, we are left with just Batman?

Normally this is a good thing, but the trailer feels like it's missing something, with two of the three poster faces (Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom) absent from the proceedings. And while Ian McShane's Blackbeard looks to be a scary dude and all, he rather pales in comparison to the 'I'm a Ghost-Pirate!' over-the-topness of Geoffrey Rush from the first film, or Bill Nighy's tentacled Davy Jones from the second and third.

Bless Johnny Depp for making even the most boring of films look even mildly interesting. Perhaps one day, he will be referred to in literature about twenty/twenty-first century pop culture as the Atlas of World Cinema.

Trailer structure is a bit of a mess, but again, this goes to the narrative of the movies themselves. So stylistically, it accurately reflects its source material. Music is to be expected, and most standard beats are hit, without much excitement. Anyone else think maybe the material is just getting long in the gold tooth?

"Maybe on TNT."

Tree of Life

Terrence Malick's 'Tree of Life' is a movie about Brad Pitt being so hard on his young son that he grows up into Sean Penn.

Damnit, Brad. Damnit.

All kidding aside, this is a fascinating trailer in that it violates the rules of most mainstream studio film trailers and indie film trailers, opting instead to go the route of mostly peculiar, but hardly incongruous imagery. This much more closely resembles the anomaly teaser for 'Garden State' (seen here), save for the tone, than anything else of late. Its classical score fits well with the imagery that features intercutting between a young nuclear family and their world of the 50s and the modern day sad-face of Sean Penn. Oh and planets being destroyed.

The trailer makes a case for a decidedly spiritual film about life and its inevitable end.

And it makes it well. This is a trailer (and I assume, a film) that is brimming with imagination and bold storytelling. It is a marketing strategy that I hope pays off for the filmmakers and studio, which is essentially daring the audience (who are doubtless used to trailers that depend on brand recognition, ala Fast Five or Harry Potter) to come see the movie and discover what it's really about. Though like a good trailer, it presents the tone of the film and gives you some idea of the color lens through which it views the world.

The trailers' only real mis-step as far as I could tell was using an extreme close-up of Brad Pitt very early on, as if to say, "Hey look! Brad Pitt!" A less 'look at our star!' image would have felt more organic to the preview. Added to which, this star shot was followed seconds later by Pitt daring his son to hit him in the face. And while I am a particular brand of weirdo, I couldn't help thinking, "I want you to hit me. As hard as you can."

But props to the marketing team at Fox Searchlight. This is a trailer that only needs to be seen once to leave an impression. And while the same could be said for most trailers, looking around at what is offered up to you before the movies this holiday season, I dare you to tell me one that looks as interesting.

"In Theaters."

Fast Five

Two cars dragging a thirty-ton safe behind them through a busy city during rush hour at speed.

Let me say that again. Two cars. Dragging a 30-ton safe. On chains behind them. At speed.

If that doesn't tell you exactly what kind of movie you're signing up for, then there's really no help for you. While in real life, I would expect nothing short of a tank to (slowly) accomplish such a task, Fast Five, the fifth (and likely, not final) installment in the Fast franchise, gives us two modified Dodge Chargers performing this very stunt. The 2010 Dodge Charger has a rough towing capacity of 2000 lbs. To accomplish this task for real, they would require something more like the Dodge Ram 350, which would drive much more slowly and look considerably less cool in a 'Fast-movie' chase scene.

Thank goodness for that whole suspension of disbelief thing.

While the watchability of the Fast movies has long depended upon the individual's ability to be tricked into shutting off your brain by the lights of pretty girls, pretty cars, creatine-loving guys and tough-man dialogue, the movies have mostly relied (to admirable lengths) on real car stunts. And while the physics of this stunt seem less-than-real-world likely, other stunts shown off in the trailer are obviously quite real.

CGI artists around the world have become expert at fooling our eyes on many things, but there is something reassuringly honest about the Bay-style quick-cuts featuring a car being ripped to pieces as it smashes into a road block that cars aren't normally designed to crash into.

If you are so moved by the franchise that you genuinely care about the characters, there is enough here for you. Vin Diesel is back, along with Paul Walker and Jordana Brewster, from Fast 1 and 4. Also along for the ride are Tyrese and Ludacris from Fast 2, and the character of Han from Fast 3 (whose mere presence reveals Fast Five to be a prequel to 'Tokyo Drift').

Joining the muscly-fun is Dwayne Johnson, who between this and the totally unrelated 'Faster,' seems to be leaving behind Disney-family-flicks and thankfully returning to action. His speech about "above all else, never, ever, let them get in their cars." is snappy in the right silly way, and his aggressive pursuit of the criminals is the most interesting and inspired new development in the 'arc' of the series since... well... ever.

Really, it's about the babes and the cars. Both seem to be in full effect, with a dandy shot of Israeli supermodel Gal Gadot (from Fast 4) wearing a two-piece, and pretty much everything else featuring either cars or explosions.

Structure of the trailer is standard with cold intro, reveal of Vin Diesel and Paul Walker (the marquee faces, still after a decade), and fast montage of action that makes little sense while watching it, but at least serves to remind the audience that, hey, we used real cars!

Points lost for directly referencing the trailer for 'Fast and Furious,' which featured the tagline, "New Model, Original Parts" in reference to the return of all four leads from the original film. This trailers' line is, "This Model... is Fully Loaded," referencing that the stars from pretty much every film in the series gets featured. I'm pretty sure that no one but me and a handful of other weirdos (Call me! Let's hang out!) remember that detail from their marketing campaign. So shame on this trailer for expecting that anyone did. Coughcoughahem.

Trailer length and music selections all worked pretty well. But really, the best thing they did was highlighting that safe-dragging stunt. Some may be annoyed that they gave that stunt away in the previews, but really -- there is no better indication for what kind of flick you're in for.

"In Theaters."

Top 5 Trailers Superior to the Movies They Promote

Welcome back, sports fans. Been a while. Moving states, not having regular internet, and working 60+ hour weeks will have that effect. But let's forget the past and get on with the future. And in doing so, let's start by looking into the past. Still with me?

So, at the recommendation of one of my best buddies, here is my list of the top five trailers superior to the movies they promote! Doubtless, this list could go on and on and on. So if you have one you feel passionate about that I miss, please throw it into the comments section.

Otherwise, let's get crackin:

Number 5 - X-Men - The Last Stand


X-Men and X2 - X-Men United gave the world a fantastically-energized version of the comic book movie. Forged into reality by director Bryan Singer, aided by sharp writing and insightful casting, the first two X-Men films changed the landscape, only two short years after the pain and suffering that was Batman & Robin. With massive box-office takes, X-Men 3 was not far behind, and thus, we received X-Men the Last Stand, a movie so mediocre, it sucked all the wind out of the sails on a great franchise, and to this day, we still don't have X-Men 4.

The trailer, however, is a great work of art, as it promises an epic battle bigger, better, and with more gut-churning emotion than anything we had been treated to until this point in the story. Dealing with the notion of a mutant cure, X-Men 3 promises from the trailer to give all the characters pause and make them reflect upon their very existence, what they fight for, why they fight for it, and if it's worth it. The movie gets this thematic through-line over within two minutes.

Only a healthy dose of skepticism, as X3 director Brett Ratner has proven himself incapable of the more quietly efficient, thinking-man's films that Singer had made, keeps this trailer from being classified as straight up amazing.

Number 4 - Terminator: Salvation


War. Robots. The struggle for mankind. These are the things that make a terminator-loving action junkie sing with excitement. Take those things and set them in a bleak future where Batman has to protect mankind from a thousand metal demons, and you have the promise for one sweet movie.

Unfortunately, the movie fails to excite. Some interesting action aside, the film suffers from not being able to decide who its main character is, and what their journey should be, and as a result, short-changes all of them. But of course, this trailer doesn't tell you that. This trailer promises a grown up version of little Eddie Furlong from T2 (again, now played by Batman) doing everything he knows how to do to protect wife, child (a potentially interesting throw-back to the first Terminator, anyone?) and the rest of mankind.

I got goose bumps at the first sight of this trailer, as I was sure we were going to get the future-war movie that the series now deserved.

Just goes to show that good trailer-cutters deserve a lot of money. A LOT OF MONEY.

Number 3 - The Matrix Reloaded


Sticking with the theme of robots, war, and sequels, this trailer for The Matrix Reloaded left me thinking that this movie would be nothing short of a spiritual awakening. I would leave the theater asking myself questions about life, love, sex, kung-fu, and the universe. I mean, who doesn't want that from their action flicks?

Instead I got a movie. Like Terminator before this, Reloaded presented some beautiful action sequences, but everything that didn't involve one person hitting another in the face was awkward and flat. The stakes, while supposedly sky-high, never felt so. The pacing of the whole affair was off. I rather compare the experience to eating pizza that is warm at the tip, but cold toward the crust. It's still pizza, but it has broken your heart in a way.

Let's not even get started on Revolutions.


Number 2 - The Village


M. Night has had his moments. Several beautiful moments in a couple wondrous films.

The Village had moments. But was not a wondrous film.

Boy, this trailer sure had me fooled. I walked into The Village expecting some incredible twist on the creatures that live in the woods outside this community. The twist was not incredible. I walked into The Village expecting emotion from unexpected places. The emotion was hardly there. I, at the very least, expected to be gripping the edge of my seat with delightful anxiety as the unseen antagonists in the woods frightened me like the way the ghosts did in The Sixth Sense or the aliens did in Signs.

The only anxiety I felt was a need for the movie to end as quickly as possible.

Hey, you want a twist, Night? The movie takes place 300 years in the future, the creatures in the woods have destroyed everything, and all that is left of earth is this small society. There. Better ending.

Number 1 - Star Wars - Episode I: The Phantom Menace


What else could it be?

Is there any movie trailer more designed to get kids and grown-ups alike on their feet and cheering? Is there anything more exciting then seeing a Star Wars film, lightsabers and villains alike, bursting its way back onto the big screen? In new adventures no less?

Of course not! Which is why this trailer takes the number one spot.

The trailer for The Phantom Menace also stands in for the trailers for Episodes II and III, all of which feature splendid trailers, but films that fail to deliver. And not only fail, but thoroughly fail.

** Honorable mention goes to Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystall Skull. Even typing out the name breaks my heart a little...

Scream 4

You can't keep a good franchise down. When Scre4m hits theaters in April, 2011, it will have been eleven years since the last installment of the series. However in the era of digging up the corpses of 80's flicks and adding new installments (Rambo, Rocky, Indiana Jones) this is hardly a record. Blessedly, Scream is a 90's franchise, so the kitsch of "oh, they're bringing this back?" isn't quite as, well... kitschy.

The three surviving cast members from the original trilogy, Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox and David Arquette, return for this fourth jaunt. Also returning is Roger Jackson, the 'voice' of the ghost-face killer from the originals.

My first observation has to be that this preview feels oddly unexcited to be a Scream movie. I recall the previews for 'The Lost World: Jurassic Park,' 'Terminator 2,' or even something as silly as 'Bad Boys II,' and there was once a delight in announcing that a sequel was upon us.





Scre4m's trailer starts right off with the familiar, "Hello, Sydney." Boom, Neve Campbell. Boom, phone voice. Hm. We must be watching another Scream movie.

Anyway, aside from that disappointment, the teaser sticks to the rules (ha! See what I did there? Cause it's a scream movie?) that it has set up for its trailers. The trailer just shows the movie geek sharing the 'rules' of the latest installment while footage of people running from Ghostface play over it. Scream 2 had a very similar teaser with Jamie Kennedy explaining the rules of the sequel to Arquette.

Interestingly, the trailer walks the line of major spoilers, yet like the True Grit trailer, I suspect these are mis-leading at best. Especially considering that within the span of the same preview, we see Courtney Cox apparently being killed by Ghostface, and then taking off the mask, revealing herself as Ghostface.

While I suspect that one of the survivors (likely Cox) gets offed in this installment, I doubt very much they would show us any of her death scene in the preview. And while it's fun to imagine Cox and Arquette being the killers this time, I highly doubt that as well.

Meta-movie references, pretty girls, silly jokes, and mass murder aplenty, this looks like, dare-I-say, just another installment in yet another horror franchise. What will be interesting to see is how the film acknowledges the era of horror films today (a hint of which is seen as Cox finds a camera, over the suggestions that the killer today films his murders).

I enjoy the Scream movies, and I'm sure I will enjoy Scre4m. On the interest in a new installment, I will give it high marks, but on the strength of the trailer alone, this one gets an 'In Theaters.'

Pic opens April 15, 2011.

True Grit

Well, I won't pretend that the trailer for the Coen Brothers' 'True Grit' tells me everything about the movie, despite the appearance that it does just that.

Not like it matters anyway. I mean, is there anything more awesome than Jeff Bridges as a hardened, one-eyed cowboy shooting people ruthlessly to the chords of peppery molasses that is Johnny Cash? If you think of something, you let me know.

'True Grit' is a remake of a 1969 John Wayne western that I have never seen and likely won't before this film comes out, as I dare not ruin an ending that might be similar to the original. Though again, knowing the Coens, the minds behind "No Country for Old Men" and "The Big Lebowski," who knows what to expect?

The trailer for their epic keeps things taught and gruff, the way a good western should be. Jeff Bridges plays 'that guy' who is tough, worn, and icy cold, but deep down has a heart of gold. You know the type. Probably. Matt Damon shows up as a Texas ranger who assists Bridges as he leads little Mattee Ross (Hailee Steinfeld) on a hunt for the man who killed her father, played by the always-interesting Josh Brolin.

Only one major plot-point is spoiled in the trailer, that Brolin eventually gets his hands on the little girl and this makes Jeff Bridges unhappy. And as unhappy cowboys tend to do, he appears to grow more violent.

The music helps this trailer pop, again, using the famous vocal chords of Johnny Cash. "God's Gonna Cut You Down" (an uplifting title) is the song that carries the second half.

Additional kudos go to the trailer cutters for keeping on-screen text to a minimum.

The elements all come together and make for a delightful promise of great cinema. Again, were it anyone but the Coens, I would think too many surprises got ruined, but knowing them as I do -- I am gonna call it "Opening Day."

Picture opens in limited release on Christmas Day.

Greats of Yester-Year: Spider-Man 2

Sam Raimi, your touch will be missed.

In 1978, Richard Donner took us into Metropolis and made us all believe that a man could fly. Being that my parents had not even met in 1978, I did not believe it. I was not there. But as a child, watching Christopher Reeve sail through the skies, it was all I needed to believe that the world would be okay. Reeve and Donner's Superman film gave hope a face. Optimism wore a red cape and boots. And all the possibilities within ourselves were inspired to beautiful life.

Superman was more than just a movie. It stirred within everyone the belief in heroes, both within and outside ourselves. On that basis, it was an experience.

Superhero movies got better. Darker. More complex. They swung from heavily stylized and high-energy to gritty and, dare-I-say, realistic. At some point, it mattered where Batman got his toys. And the answers were excellent.

But in 2002 came Spider-Man. And in it, something surprisingly close to the experience of the original Superman for its younger generation of viewers. A beneficiary of timing, Spider-Man came touting a pro-American, pro-New York, pro-hero message to a nation barely beginning to step past one of its darkest hours.

Spider-Man was good.

So it was with no small amount of enthusiasm that geeks around the world looked upon this teaser for Spider-Man 2 with mouths grinning and eyes wide. Comic fans, geeks, the world had embraced Spider-Man, and with that came the promise of a sequel larger in every way. And, if we were lucky, better.

But the joy turned out to not just arrive with the first glimpse of footage. No, Spider-Man 2 would not be content to just blast us with a montage of its action scenes with heroic music.

Spider-Man 2 had to slap us in the face and remind us all what kind of a world this was. A real one. A romantic one. A dangerous one.

The teaser for Spider-Man 2, for those who don't watch the videos as they are posted above, starts with something cut out of a chick-flick, where Mary Jane Watson, the song that keeps Peter Parker's heart beating, asks him point blank if he loves her. From the first film, we know that he does. Can see that he does. Can see that he wants more than anything in the world to say so. To embrace her.

But from the first film, we also know that he cannot. For with his great power, comes a great responsibility and he can't put her life in danger for anything.

So he says no. She processes this, fails to believe it, and demands a kiss. And just as he is about to oblige, and his ultimate test be presented to him, his spider-sense tingles and tells him (and the emotionally invested audience) to duck.

For there is a car coming through the window at them.

As only a Spider-Man could, he grabs her, flattens her to the deck, allowing the car to sail inches above them as it crashes into the restaurant behind them. It's a great twist. Like jumping with fright while you're laughing at a joke, Spidey gets us while we are painfully involved in his love life.

The rest of the trailer plays out as a standard montage, accompanied by Danny Elfman's incredible score from the first movie.

And for its precious short run-time, we are given the original Superman experience, where we are reminded that heroes exist. They inspire. They uplift. They fight until there is no fight left in them, and even then, they fight some more.

It's a fantastic teaser that set the bar ridiculously high for the film itself. And luckily for us, Spider-Man 2 leapt over that bar with air to spare.

Like only Superman had accomplished before it, Spider-Man had us believing that a man could fly. But not because the effects were good. Because it was one of the rare times that fake heroes became absolutely real.

Sam Raimi, you will be missed.

Skyline

Do Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith save the day in a stolen alien hot rod, driving across 250,000 miles of space in just under two minutes and detonating a nuclear bomb in the belly of the mother ship just after setting loose a computer virus that freakishly works on both Apple and alien operating systems?

Apologies if anyone has 'Independence Day' on their Netflix que and was waiting to see it for the very first time.

Here we have the teaser for 'Skyline' which roped me in upon a first viewing based simply on style and tone, but upon a second viewing, came with the full realization that not only had I seen virtually everything in it before, but really not all that long ago.

But just so that I don't have to start with the bad stuff, 'Skyline' does make good use of a fairly recent news piece where Stephen Hawking was quoted as saying that mankind should avoid trying to contact extra-terrestrial life, as it could have disastrous consequences for the planet and her population. Insert twenty-year-old joke here about how we thought lawyers were bad!

The trailer does hold a masterful tone, keeping itself limited to real news broadcasts and Spielbergian creepy images, mostly consisting of, "what are we looking at?" kinda stuff. This blend lends it a sense of reality that quickly makes the dangers even more dangerous.

Music is kept from being overwhelming and the trailer's tight run-time keeps the tension high right up until the final image hits.

Now for the rest.

I can't help but feel like this is simply a mish-mash of everything we have seen before. Now I know, I know... the argument is that we have no original stories anymore. Probably true. But can we at least do some fresh visuals?

The falling blue special effects look suspiciously like the alien creatures being delivered to their underground vessels in Spielberg's 2005 "War of the Worlds." The glowing spheres concealing the alien vessel within is directly from the remake of "The Day the Earth Stood Still." The huge alien vessels laying waste to humanity from above are obviously taken from "Independence Day" And those with really keen ears will notice a suspiciously Transformers-ian sound effect at the :53-second mark.

Now check out this trailer for Michael Bay's "Transformers" and skip ahead to :38 seconds in.



This says two things to me: 1) that the makers of 'Skyline' aren't only ripping off visuals from other alien-invasion flicks, they're stealing sounds, too and 2) that I should probably seek help for my condition and take up knitting or something.

Now I come to the final question with which I will wrestle for several hours before bed -- the last shot of this teaser is of Mega-Maid sucking up humans by the thousands. There's lots of screaming and crying and from the extreme wide-angle look we get of the event, it seems fairly unpleasant. This leads to the general assumption that these aliens are here to harm us. Big surprise, get in line, everyone out there hates Earth.

The question in this is whether the trailer would have been better-suited holding onto its mystery element and letting audiences wonder if these creatures really are here to hurt us? The opening of the trailer sets a nice, ominous tone with Stephen Hawking's warnings about alien life mixing with ours, but the fact remains that this is still a suggestion. A guess.

Would a more clever ending have been for us to simply not know what their intentions are? Make you get to the theater to find out? Maybe if JJ Abrams was directing, but with the Brothers Strause...?

Of course not, and here is where I simultaneously contradict myself and give in to my 12-year-old boy yearnings... that last shot (the money shot) is going to get me into the theater. The spectacle of human carnage that is impossibly ridiculous is way too appealing to let slide and I will tee-hee in the car the whole way there.

For originality, the trailer (and the movie) gets huge marks off, but if I can manage Roland Emmerich disaster movies over and over again, this one deserves a shot. And based on the scale of Mega-Maid sucking all those little people up? It deserves a shot on the big screen.

"In Theaters."

Picture opens November 12.

Until next time!

(*Worth noting, the Brothers Strause (directors) last major release was Alien vs. Predator - Reqiuem. And if that doesn't fill you with confidence, the pic is exec produced by Brett Ratner. Just saying.)

Greats of Yester-year: Star Wars - Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Every great movie villain is accompanied by some menacing sound so that when they arrive on screen, you know not only because you can see them standing there in all their dark glory, but because you can hear them. They assault your senses and combat your efforts to remain comfortable and unafraid.

The titular shark in Jaws had his famous movie theme. The monster in the first alien film had a heartbeat sound. Godzilla (when he was a villain, back before he got silly) had the horrible sound of his approaching footsteps.

These indicators get the blood going and create the sense of dread that tells you that any moment, evil will descend upon the story and when it does, horror will follow.

I spoil nothing for anyone by saying here that among the most famous movie villain sounds is the mechanical breathing belonging to the Star Wars franchises' Darth Vader. When he first walked onto the screen, stepping through a cloud of smoke, the black silhouette in the bright white hallway, we heard his breathing and instantly became fascinated with Vader, busying ourselves with questions like, "Is he a man?" "Is he a robot?" "Is he something else?"

George Lucas would later go on to make up the answers to these questions and find ultimately unsatisfying ways of presenting the information to us, but that sound -- that Darth Vader sound -- the noise that never quickened, never faltered, the sound that was evil. That was something that we couldn't get enough of.

Flash ahead to the year 2001, when audiences had had two years to put the oddly dissatisfying "Phantom Menace" behind them and hope that Lucas would get it together for the remaining films in his opus. The hope that "Episode I" would be the weak link in the Star Wars saga was alive and well.

Our first glimmer of hope that this might actually be the case came on the night of November 2, 2001, when Disney and Pixar released "Monsters, Inc." And with each print, the first look at footage from the frightfully-named "Attack of the Clones."

Not only did Lucasfilm win back some goodwill with a clever spattering of imagery that Star Wars geeks the world over were giddy to see (Boba Fett's armor, C-3P0 with his skin, a new actor playing the role of Anakin), but it was presented as a classy reminder of where the story was headed, and the delightfully dark places the saga was going to take us.

After all, the prequel trilogy is about the birth of evil and what better way to remind people of that then to remind them who the baddest bad guy in the galaxy really is?

And it worked. Prior to the release of "Attack of the Clones," expectations were back on track, hopes were high, and the belief that the last one was just a mis-step was fairly solid among many in the fan community who bothered to discuss the film beyond the time it took to actually pay to see it.

Darth Vader, the most evil, terrifying, powerful villain in the galaxy was at the center of the new story we were being told, and this teaser made a quick reminder of it.

We eventually got our Vader in the prequel films. Sigh.

The Other Guys

Sitting down to watch this trailer for 'The Other Guys' I was surprised to see what I was sure would be a funny movie starring Samuel L. Jackson and Dwayne Johnson as two tough New York City cops who were sure to follow the classic formula -- ridiculous action junkies who are impervious to bullets (save for that late third act flesh wound), bitterly divorced and alone while having only each other, and funny as hell because hey... they're so mis-matched! How can that not be funny?

Then the trailer reveals the real main characters and the stroke of genius becomes apparent. Jackson and Johnson are the set-up. Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg are the stars. Two even more mis-matched cops who quite literally annoy the hell out of each other and who are as far on the opposite side of the spectrum as the action heroes. That's definitely funnier than the original funny premise was sure to be, which was very funny itself.

'The Other Guys' trailer ingeniously breaks some rules by waiting 30 seconds before even showing Will Ferrell or Mark Wahlberg, insisting upon an action scene starring the more obvious action stars instead.

These stories are tied together when Mace Windu and The Rock come back to the police station to receive love and adoration from their peers before verbally abusing Will Ferrell, who excitedly snaps off photos of them as they do it. It makes sense in the trailer. And is also hilarious.

The advantage in advertising talent-led comedy (as opposed to concept-led comedy, ala 'Knocked Up' or 'The Hangover') is that for a preview like this, you really only need to show a few comic bits featuring your actors to really get the idea of what you're in for. You don't need to understand the plot.

So while I now understand what to expect from 'The Other Guys,' I can't really tell you what it's about. I'm sure somewhere along the way, Ferrell and Wahlberg get involved in a case that seems ridiculous, turns out quite complex, and earns them the respect of their peers. That's just a guess...

... but c'mon.

The selected scenes work and are all funny, even if we have seen most of it before: the bad cop accidentally talking the potential suicide into jumping is hardly original, and Will Ferrell's man-child has been made famous by every single Will Ferrell movie in history. I have to credit the guy; depending on the scenario and his surrounding talent, this still works.

Wahlberg on the other side looks to make an amazing straight-man, since he looks like he's usually annoyed anyway, pairing him with Ferrell is inspired.

Rounding out the supporting cast (as far as the trailer tells us) besides Jackson and Johnson are Eva Mendes as Ferrell's 'ball & chain' (another great gag in the trailer) and Michael Keaton playing the police chief, a welcome return to more adult comedy (and just a welcome return in general...)

There are likely few real surprises or thrills in 'The Other Guys,' but that's not what I'm buying. If those occur, they will be an added bonus. Based on the collection of bits and the promise from the performers involved, this gets no less than an 'Opening Night.'

Picture opens this Friday, August 6.

Until next time!

Sucker Punch

Zack Snyder, director of '300,' 'Dawn of the Dead,' 'Watchman' and now 'Sucker Punch' went to school in Pasadena, California and studied filmmaking. One of his classmates was Michael Bay. Bay and Snyder both went on to successful careers in advertising (as commercial directors) before making the move to the cinema.

I say this because as I watch this trailer, I feel like I am being told to buy the sizzle. Not the steak.

'Sucker Punch' is not based on any pre-existing material, making it Snyder's first original film ('Dawn' was a remake and '300' and 'Watchmen' were both based on graphic novels...) but that doesn't stop it from looking like it's based on something. 'Alice in Wonderland' meets 'Pan's Labyrinth' I suppose.

The story as far as the trailer reveals is that a young woman is thrown into a mental hospital and in an attempt to free herself from the pain of isolation, confinement, or possibly even torture, she creates a world inside her head where guns, sex, sounds and colors rule. Like the world of Baz Luhrmann's 'Moulin Rouge' blended with the cartoon universe from 'Cool World.'

Throw in heavy slices of Rodriguez's work from 'Sin City' and you have something resembling the craziness that's on screen here.

Inventing scenarios in the mind to escape reality is nothing new. I can spoil many a great film by revealing in which ones that occurs. But Snyder's visuals almost always break new barriers and dazzle the eye.

Unfortunately, that's all this trailer can say for itself. Much like the sense I got from the trailers for 'Speed Racer' there seems to be plenty going on to rot away the enamel of my brain, but not much for it to actually chew.

No real surprise there as Snyder's work has consistently failed at any exceptional depth. Anyone who argues otherwise really needs to watch '300' closer. Plenty of sizzle. No steak.

I want to see what Snyder shows me, but nothing presented here is going to impress upon me the need to pay 10 or 12 dollars for it. "Maybe on TNT."

"Sucker Punch" opens in March 2011.

Until next time.

Top 5 Guilty Pleasures

If you love movie trailers, then you have some that you enjoy for their art and execution.

But if you love movie trailers, then you likely have many that are just silly fun for you and bring excessive amounts of 'tee-hees' and giggles into the air around you.

So for your judging pleasure (because what's the internet for if not for judging?), I give you my top five favorite guilty pleasure movie trailers. Some of them are far better than the movies they advertise. Some of them are just plain silly. But each of these five brought a stupid smile to my face.

Number 5 - Fast and Furious


Like 'Rise of the Silver Surfer,' this teaser for the fourth entry in the 'Fast' franchise focuses mostly on a shortened version of one sequence from the film, always an effective trick.

What it also has going for it is the good fortune of revealing Vin Diesel's return to the role of Dominic Toretto, his character from the first film, who sat out the second, and popped in for a cameo at the conclusion of the third.

If you don't care for the 'Fast' films, this means nothing to you, and your eyes glaze over upon realization of what you're watching. But for me, these are stupid, fun brain-off flicks that feature some delightfully dumb characters and plots, pretty girls, and occasionally cool non-computer-assisted car stunts.

The tag line 'New Model, Original Parts' definitely drives up the 'tee-hee' factor, though nothing quite earns the giggle like Vin Diesel's menacing chuckle to the observation by one character that Paul Walker is a lucky man, because despite once dating Toretto's sister, he is "still breathing."

Tee-hee factor: FURIOUS

Number 4 - Superman Returns


Superman Returns. The trailer says exactly what the title says. This trailer is an announcement saying: Hey folks. Superman is back. No hints of plot. No hints of villain or conflict. Just Superman.

Taking its cues from the masterful Richard Donner 1979 original, 'Superman Returns' landed in 2006 after the once-powerful Superman franchise had sputtered to a pitiful end some 20 years earlier with 'Superman 4 - The Quest for Peace.'

This teaser continues along the Donner-established canon by beginning over darkness with a Marlon Brando voice-over (Brando played Superman's alien father in the original film). The music cue 'The Planet Krypton' from John Williams' timeless score for the original plays out over relatively classic Superman imagery, from people looking up into the sky to the Kent farm at sunrise, and of course -- perhaps the symbol of the Donner-era Kal-El -- Superman and Lois Lane on the roof of the Daily Planet.

Where the teaser adds a nice updated touch is the very last shot where Superman hovers silently in space, listening to the sounds from planet Earth below until one of them calls for his attention above the others -- after which his eyes snap open and he bursts into super-sonic flight toward Metropolis, causing a tremendous concussion when he hits the Earth's atmosphere. It's a beautiful moment in a beautiful trailer, and though the movie itself is weighty and curiously lacking in energy, this first teaser hits all the right spots.

Tee-hee factor: SUPER

Number 3 - Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire



Feeling like I spent my 'Harry Potter' trailer love on my first blog entry, I questioned including this, but then I remembered: this is about the tee-hee factor.

'Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire' teases us with a lovely bit of wandering down memory lane with fast glimpses of Harry, Hermione, and Ron over the course of four films, reminding audiences that these kids are growing up in front of our very eyes. This simple reminder creates an almost parental sort of concern for these characters, as for the briefest of moments we are forced to look upon them not as actors in a film, but living human beings. Young adults who were still children, not all that long ago.

A trick like this would not work with something like, say, Star Wars, where Harrison Ford looked roughly the same from film to film.

After the opening montage, the trailer is roughly as good as all the other Potter trailers, but the teaser opening has a warmth and specialness to it that puts it on my guilty pleasure list.

Tee-hee factor: MAGICAL

Number 2 - The Twilight Sage - Eclipse



I saw Twilight and was pretty bored. It wasn't the most offensive thing ever, but it was too gooey-gooey for me and I failed to understand the appeal (which is fine, it's not meant for me in the least, anyway). I saw New Moon and found it to be one of the most boring, horrible things ever committed to film. I can't tell you a single thing I remember. The whole movie made no sense and felt like the projector playing it was broken and playing everything really slow.

So I was delighted to see this trailer for the third entry in the series and to find that it consisted mostly of action, tossing around phrases like, "lives lost" and "killings." Imagery of Robert Pattinson and Taylor Laughtner don't increase my interest level, but other shots, such as an army of bad vampires walking out of a lake onto dry land or two vampire armies running toward each other ready to unleash hell is very much the kind of stuff I enjoy.

And then, of course, there are the werewolves, which despite being ridiculously muscular 18-year-olds while in human form, are still freaking wolves half the time and appear at the end of the trailer to do battle with the bad vampires and side with the good ones.

One thing that for me personally earns the Twilight films a few originality points is that in this universe, sunlight does not kill vampires, it merely reveals their true form (glittery-skinned Christmas-ornament-looking versions of themselves). As a result, this series remains the only vampire series where the monsters can battle during the day, giving it a visual edge over all others who are forced to keep to the rules and only allow their vampires to play at night.

So between the over-the-top operatic music, the visually different vampire battle, and the wolves looking like they're ready to bust some heads, this trailer got me to tee-hee enough to give the series one more chance after the awful, awful mess that was 'New Moon.'

Tee-hee factor: GLITTERY-SLIGHTLY-HOMO-EROTIC-STUPID

Number 1 - Terminator 2 Judgment Day



In the grand scheme of movie teasers and trailers, this one is neat but not necessarily one of the greats.

It earns its tee-hee points for presentation.

In 1990, James Cameron was hard at work on Terminator 2 and had no time to cut together a trailer for the film, despite the studio wanting some sort of announcement for the soon-to-be-released sequel to the sci-fi/action hit 'The Terminator.'

Recall that in 1990, the internet was no place for movie geeks to share news and excite one another, so trailers and posters were how the world found out what was coming.

So Cameron handed $100,000 to the late Stan Winston, the special effects wizard who for decades defined our cinematic standards when it came to monsters and effects. To this day, cinema remains changed because of him.

Winston went off and came up with the idea of robots on an assembly line. It's fun because they look familiar, but we're not sure why. We watch them get put together piece by piece, powered on with eyes glowing red, and finally put into a big chamber that appears to cover them in human tissue.

Pan up the newly-tissued robot and you find -- Arnold Schwarzenegger.

So simple. So fun.

Tee-hee factor: INFINITE

Until next time.

Greats of Yester-year: Star Trek

The Star Trek mythos has crossed the border into religious-experience territory, which is to say, it has becomes so big and so complex that it can mean completely different things to different people, and no one interpretation is incorrect anymore, no matter how different from Gene Roddenberry's original vision.

For myself, when at its finest, Star Trek has always been about hope, bravery and friendship.

These are the virtues most prominently on display in this trailer for JJ Abrams' reboot (but still a sequel and a prequel) Star Trek. But they're not the only thing this trailer is about.

Abrams gives us a new angle on the Star Trek mythos, something long-imagined but never-before-seen. Abrams gives us, as Joseph Campbell has termed it, the call to adventure. The moment when the heroes' life is forever changed.

What Campbell doesn't mention as much, but Abrams brilliantly infuses into his story is that this call to adventure is also a chance for the hero to reach out and grasp his potential, an incredibly strong core that every viewer can connect to, for haven't we all wondered what we're meant to do and who we're meant to be? Whether this was our path?

As one of the characters says to a young James Kirk at the open of the trailer, "Your father was captain of a starship for twelve minutes. He saved 800 lives, including yours. I dare you to do better." If that isn't a call to action and a clear line-of-sight to one's potential, I just don't know what is.

In addition to making for a powerful story, it also is a clever marketing device, for any life-long fan of Star Trek will tell you that while the characters and universe are carved in stone, the origin story has never been told. Suddenly we have the same old Trek with a brand new hook. I mean, it worked for Bond and Batman. Why not for Kirk and Spock?

A group called 'Two Steps From Hell' provides a track called 'Freedom Fighters' which serves as the powerful background music, once again driving home the notions of bravery, hope, friendship, and self-worth.

Pacing and energy are kept up by slick cutting and smooth transitions from action to character, with nice breaks for dialogue.

If the trailer has a fault, I would actually declare it a fault of director JJ Abrams, who despite being one of the smartest men in the business, is still developing his eye as a film director, and in doing so, has failed to produce a great money shot. Some have come close, such as the shot from Mission Impossible-3 (Abrams' feature debut) where a camera-bound Tom Cruise was knocked off his feet and into a car window by an explosion on a bridge behind him.



Abrams shoots action with great energy and is wise enough to stage and frame those sequences the same way he does his character moments, but despite the energy, there is some missing refinement. One only look at an action scene composed by James Cameron to appreciate this distinction -- some of his best examples being the Los Angeles River chase from Terminator 2 (which concludes with a great money shot of John and the Terminator on a motorcycle driving away from an exploding truck) or the bridge chase in True Lies (which ends with another great money shot of Arnold Schwarzenegger clinging to Jamie Lee Curtis from the bottom of a helicopter while her vehicle falls from the bridge into the ocean beneath her).

Regardless of this one minor gripe, the trailer works incredibly well on me, hitting everything that has ever moved me about Star Trek and promising me an adventure that I can't wait to go on.

Boldly, of course.

Until next time.

The Town

Cops and criminals and the people in between who always, always get hurt. This scenario has been executed countless times by countless filmmakers with sometimes incredible, mind-blowing results. I'm looking at you, 'Heat.'

The vast dramatic potential for this set-up also means that it will continue to be explored, time and time and time again.

Enter Ben Affleck, who outside of movies co-starring Matt Damon or written by Kevin Smith, has failed to ever truly impress me as an actor, but who shows surprising chops as a director. His first feature, 'Gone Baby Gone,' had a fierce amount of energy and richness to it, and Affleck's potential behind the camera rocketed past that of his actor-self.

I don't wish to insult, merely to observe here that Affleck's acting history tends to indicate that he just isn't interesting enough to play the roles offered to, say, Sean Connery when he crossed over to senior-citizen-status.

So along comes 'The Town,' a cops-and-criminals movie that borrows elements from movies as good as 'Heat' and as silly as 'Point Break' and 'The Fast and the Furious.' But as the trailer proves: treat any subject matter with enough dignity and it can become awesome.

For that's what this trailer was for me. Awesome.

I took a great amount of delight in the perversely updated look of the bank-robbers from 'Point Break' and the high-energy camera work. Watching Jon Hamm play someone that is not Don Draper is too cool, especially since he looks like a great, tough cop.

The performances look solid across the board as great actors are paired with an actor/director who knows how to nurture them and let them be. Jeremy Renner and Chris Cooper round out the supporting cast and I defy you to name one role from either of them that wasn't stellar.

The music through-out works powerfully with the images and subject matter, and the pacing is right on.

Points are lost due to the mid-trailer text that says: "From the Studio that brought you The Departed" That kind of cross-promotional branding is pathetic to me, and is becoming frustratingly popular these days. Allow me to re-write their copy:

"From the Studio that brought you The Dukes of Hazzard"

"From the Studio that brought you License to Wed"

or, my favorite:

"From the Studio that brought you Catwoman"

It's a dumb ploy. Anyone who takes the time to read the copy knows it's dumb. It's a completely unnecessary drawback to a fairly intense trailer that sells a movie that, though we have seen it before, shows serious promise.

'The Town' had enough that works on me (the genre, the performers, the directing) that I happily grant an "Opening Night" rating.

The picture opens in the US on September 10, 2010.

Until next time.

The Social Network

Leave it to the impressive talents of David Fincher and Aaron Sorkin to craft a film that gives the birth and times of Facebook a near-operatic quality. At least, that's sure how it looks.

Adapted from the book, "The Accidental Billionaires" by Ben Mezrich, "The Social Network" tells the story of Mark Zuckerberg and what led him to creating Facebook.com, the social networking site on which I will be advertising this blog entry.

Facebook itself has the interesting quality of sharing traits with a black hole: nothing can escape its gravitational pull. This in-and-of itself could be written off as merely amusing and topical, but when it becomes the poster child for the voluntary end of privacy, you have entered into territory shared by few.

You're talking about something very scary.

The makers of this trailer know this well.

Beginning with tiny glimpses into the lives of people we don't know, via profile interfaces with which we are all intimately familiar, the trailer quickly sets up Jesse Eisenberg (who shares some traits with Michael Cera without carrying Michael Cera's-Cera-baggage) as young Zuckerberg, a college kid who just wants into the exclusive clubs.

Boy, does he get there.

The trailer explains that the film will deal with unforeseen (and perhaps, immaterial to Zuckerberg) moral, ethical, and legal complications for his social networking site. Though it cleverly conceals most of the actual plot.

Typical snazzy Sorkin dialogue is present, along with Fincher's visual flourishes, and when combined with what looks to be a rich performance by Eisenberg and a slick turn by actor-singer-do-anything Justin Timberlake, sets up for a film that will amuse and unsettle.

One wonders how many people will delete their facebook accounts upon seeing the film, and how many 'uninitiated' will say to their friends, "See? This is why I never signed up."

As I mentioned before, the trailer has an operatic quality and sets up stakes that are almost global in impact, which is true enough. In the hands of lesser filmmakers (and certainly, lesser trailer-makers) this story could be small enough to only affect the lives of Zuckerberg and those around him. Given to Fincher and Sorkin -- well -- time will tell, but I have my suspicions.

The trailer itself is an incredible piece of work, and if the movie to follow is any indication, this is an easy 'Opening Night' rating.

'The Social Network' hits theaters on October 1.

Until next time.

Due Date

Because the only thing better than striking gold is doing the exact same thing and striking gold again, we're being given 'Due Date' from Todd Phillips, director of 'The Hangover.'

I say that he is repeating himself because in 'Due Date' we're being given another Zach Galifianakis performance that, from the trailer, is pretty much exactly the same character he played in 'Hangover.' Maybe Phillips is going the Kevin Smith route and building an inter-connected universe for his films where characters and events cross over from film to film.

A little evidence to support this theory is that in Phillips' first true hit, 'Old School,' a deleted scene has a creepy pervert character showing up at the heroes' house asking if he is in the right place for the "gang bang." In 'Hangover' this same character appears in an elevator giving a woman some oral pleasure before the four dudes get on board and ride to the roof. Also, this character is played by Phillips.

But I digress...

In 'Due Date,' Roberty Downey Jr. and Zach Galeoiueoeievkj play two mis-matched guys who are somehow stuck together on a cross-country trip to Los Angeles. Downey is the straight man while GalskdjldzjnmxcnnaiakdjhkJd plays the famous Phillips role of man-child, made even more apparent than ever before when Downey tells Galsadljhaosdid11-091-928093 to go to the bathroom before they leave a gas station and the reply is: "You're right. I need to pee-pee."

The trailer starts off strong with no wink to the fact that it is a comedy. The two heroes avoid a rain-storm and Downey is sharing a deeply personal tale about the last time he saw his father. The trailer lurches into gear when the response to this is inappropriate laughter, followed by the declaration, "My Dad would never do that. He loves me." It's a good start.

From there it falls into standard road movie/buddy comedy territory which shows various instances of them getting on each others' nerves and finding ways to get even with one another, the most humorous of which is when the two are hitching a ride with Jamie Foxx (whaaaa??) and Downey (in the passenger seat) commands Foxx (the driver) to hit a drainage ditch at high speed so that it will disrupt the peaceful truck-bed ride for Zach Galifianakis. The result is a good sight-gag.

While funny, ultimately the trailer does little to make itself look all that amazing. Its' premise isn't particularly interesting, but that's not really the point, is it? For movies like this, all we need is a set-up and knowledge of the actors in the film. The rest takes care of itself.

I suspect the reason for this is one of two things:

1) The movie just isn't very good and the trailer-makers are doing their best.

or

2) The movie is ridiculously hilarious and the fact that all green-band previews are required to be rated PG has limited the amount of vulgar hilarity that can be shown.

I suspect it's probably the second. After all, 'Old School,' 'The Hangover' and even Phillips' first hit 'Road Trip' are hard-R comedies that make good use of their ratings.

This trailer alone leaves me curiously hollow, and if not for my pre-existing knowledge of Phillips' body of work, and the fact that Robert Downey Jr. can (almost) do no wrong, I would be giving this a "Maybe on TNT."

Until next time!

Greats of Yester-year: Fantastic Four - Rise of the Silver Surfer

Fantastic Four - Rise of the Silver Surfer was released with thunderously low expectations. Despite a large box-office haul for the original, the treatment of the material (considering it was this same summer that Christopher Nolan gave us his reboot of Batman) had earned the movie an intensely negative reaction.

For a far superior film about a mostly-functional super hero family, viewers had to look no farther than Pixar's 'The Incredibles.'

So given the low-expectations for the 'Fantastic' sequel, it was incredibly refreshing to see a teaser that not only looked to improve vastly upon the original, but in its breathless two-minute run time gave viewers an amazing new character from the comics who promised to be a terrific foil for the super-family.

The teaser for 'Silver Surfer' does so many things right, it's amazing more films don't follow suit. First, it keeps dialogue to a minimum, staying almost entirely visual, and only allowing in one quick exchange.

Second, it wisely plays an abbreviated version of one whole sequence from the early part of the film, rather than a montage of images or a truncated version of the whole picture.

Finally, it gives the audience some of the best shots of the whole film in its precious two minutes, including the money shot of the Surfer revealing himself as he emerges from the solid wall of a building he has just thrown through, and a stunning shot of him letting one of our heroes fall back to earth from low orbit after having carried him there on his flying board.

But perhaps most impressively? It actually manages to make you gasp. A short story that you have less than two minutes invested in, and it actually makes you jump.

When a mysterious blue comet falls from the sky and starts guiding itself as only a living being on a silver surf board could, Johnny Storm, the mouth of the Fantastic Four, sheds his new tuxedo and bursts into flame, chasing the blue comet (as he can, of course, fly too).

Johnny, who the trailer establishes is very fast and powerful himself, chases the surfer through Manhattan and into the Lincoln Tunnel, where the silver being seems to melt right through whatever solid object heads his way.

Where the trailer grabs you by the throat is when Johnny almost manages to catch the surfer, but is surprised when the shiny being whips around like a hawk and stops him dead (grabbing him by the throat -- thank you) and dragging a helpless hero into the lower atmosphere before letting him drop into a free-fall that will surely kill him, although (SPOILER!) it doesn't.

This display of power and viciousness come as something of a surprise in the otherwise light 'Fantastic' series and serves to get the audience's attention. I can recall seeing this preview with a full crowd before a movie in late '06 and hearing people remark at the sight of the surfer dropping Johnny to earth from space.

It keeps with a smart few trailers that wisely know they need only show one good scene to hook their audience and get them to the theater, and it makes sure that you know -- this sequel means business.

Until next time!

Follow Up on 'Predators'

In my review for 'Predators,' I mentioned a shot that to me was the 'money shot' of the entire trailer and voiced my disappointment that it was featured in the middle of the trailer and not at the end, where it would have been more effective.

At a showing of 'Predators' this weekend, I noticed that (SPOILER ALERT) the shot above isn't even in the film! The moment comes and goes, but at no point do a dozen predators aim their targeting lasers at Adrian Brody.

So my disappointment was doubled -- until I read this today. In an interview with MTV News, Robert Rodriguez addressed this, saying that he came up with that on the day and filmed it JUST FOR THE TRAILER.

That's right. Rodriguez said he knew that was the money shot and knew that fans would be confused when it didn't show up in the movie, but he felt that would just add to the surprise, feeling that it was a great image for a trailer.

So. I'm just saying.

Wall Street - Money Never Sleeps

Yes, 'Money Never Sleeps' really is the title. Does this sound like a Bond-spoof to anyone else? Good lord.

So, here we are in 2010 with two different sequels to originals made in 1987. Predators was first (which to be fair, never really went away, what with sequels and comic books enough to fill Lucas Oil Stadium).

The second is the sequel to 'Wall Street,' a film which I have yet to see but it currently sitting at #16 on my Netflix queue. Despite never having seen all of it, I am familiar with Gordon Gekko, his famous, "Greed, for lack of a better word, is good..." speech, and the scene where Charlie Sheen is led past all of his co-workers in hand cuffs. I will be sure to catch it before the sequel hits.

Caught the trailer over the weekend at (ironically) a showing of Predators and it occurred to me this is a good trailer to review.

Featuring the return of Michael Douglas to his iconic role, the cast now includes Josh Brolin and Shia LeBeouf, who looks very interesting in the part of Charlie Sheen. In all seriousness, I enjoy LeBeouf. I enjoy his twitchiness and that he is the embodiment of the fact that geeks rule the world. Anyone who doubts me, watch Transformers and notice how despite being an action star in the sweatiest Michael Bay movie of them all, he is far too anxious and jumpy to be cool. Which just makes him cool.

The trailer only tells enough of the plot to learn that Gekko is released from prison, Shia is about to marry his daughter (who hates her father) and that Gekko is up to his old tricks, and pulls an Emperor/Anakin Skywalker relationship with the kid.

Whether Shia LeBeouf doesn't get the high-ground during his climactic fight with Obi-Wan, resulting in severed limbs and a giant black iron lung remains to be seen.

Either way, the trailer plays out well, even though it does run a bit long, and brilliantly features the Rolling Stones' 'Sympathy for the Devil' during the great majority of its run-time. Entirely appropriate if you a) know the character of Gordon Gekko or b) are Oliver Stone and are trying to say something about Wall Street in general.

Performances and technical specs look like they will be solid across the board, as tends to be the case with Oliver Stone.

Despite the previously-mentioned run-time of the trailer that could benefit from having about 10 seconds cut out of the middle, the return of Gordon Gekko looks promising, and we can only hope he gets what is (once again) coming to him. Before he turns Shia to the dark side, of course.

This earns an "In Theaters."

Until next time!

Appreciating Uniqueness

I talk a lot about uniqueness in movie advertising on this blog. As an audience member who has seen countless movie trailers over the years, I know every trick, every transition, every piece of music, every beat that Hollywood can throw at me.

And so do you.

Enter Britanick.com, who took that knowledge, wrote it down and gave us a spoof trailer called 'Movie Title.' Watch this and you'll see every moment that you're so familiar with broken down to its essential parts. You'll also laugh a lot.

Until next time.

Jack Goes Boating

Have you ever seen Phillip Seymour Hoffman not be great? Me neither. Now let's put him in front of and behind the camera in the same picture and see what that gets us!

The trailer for "Jack Goes Boating" works as effectively as every other trailer for every kind of movie like it. Which is a good thing, for they're all good trailers.

The sub-genre, which can now be pretty much called 'The Sundance Film' tends to be promoted exactly the same way from film to film, with exactly the same structure. While it still finishes with the 'action montage,' trailers for these kinds of movies feature smiling, laughing, crying and sure-to-be triumphant moments for the characters in the film.

I think this looks like it will be a good film. The same way I think every film promoted this way looks like it will be a good film.

This is to say that while the trailer does little different from its spiritual predecessors, I will still likely seek this film out upon its release.

The issue I take with trailers for films like these is that they rarely make much attempt to stand apart from each other. If I were to show you the trailers for the three other films referenced in this one (Little Miss Sunshine, Away We Go, and Sunshine Cleaning) you would see essentially the same trailer with different characters over and over again.

Not that other genres are immune to this. Not at all. If you've seen one action or comedy trailer, you've seen them all. I pick on these because these trailers all look amazing, where as clearly, not every action film looks particularly good (I cough in your general direction, Knight and Day).

As a blanket rule for me, trailers for these feel-good-and-learn-about-life Sundance films earn a "In Theaters" from me, but I continue to hope that I will find one that dares to be a little different, even if the movie is just like all the others.

Until next time.

Little Fockers

Incredible to think that a concept film has turned into a franchise, but this is Hollywood, and it probably is a highly bankable property.

'Little Fockers' will continue the antics of Ben Stiller's Greg (Gaylord) Focker and Robert DeNiro's ex-CIA father-in-law, Jack Byrnes, though to be honest, after seeing the trailer, they probably shouldn't. After all, by the third film, everyone has met everyone. No more awkward first impressions, which was always the centerpiece to the story.

Not that the trailer doesn't look like a funny movie. These are funny actors playing funny characters. And the unique chemistry between Stiller and DeNiro could probably keep 4 or 5 more 'Focker' films watchable. But interesting? That's another question.

We're told from the trailer that Greg and his wife Pam have two young children and that as the holidays approach, they will be getting visited by grandma and grandpa. Beyond that, the story involves Ben Stiller selling trial packs of an erectile disfunction pill, because let's be honest -- since the central thrust of the 'first-meeting' humor is gone, this third time will have to work harder and shoe-horn in some less-organic laughs.

This is proven to be the case by the fact that the last 40 seconds of a 1:40 trailer are dedicated entirely to explaining this plot thread and it's relevance. Funny, but unfortunate considering the simplicity of this great exchange from the original film when Stiller arrives in his green rental car and while meeting his potential in-laws for the first time, is met with this quip from DeNiro:

Byrnes - "Interesting color. You pick it?"
Focker - "No, the guy at the counter. Why?"
Byrnes - "Well they say geniuses pick green. But you didn't pick it."

As the cast members shown at the end prove, pretty much everyone (except a notably-absent Dustin Hoffman) will be back for this third outing, including some new faces to the franchise. And while the potential for laughs remain, the natural set-up has long since left, as now the Fockers have met the Byrnes, the Byrnes have met the Fockers, and now we're left with simply a disfunctional-family film, allegedly about how scared the little Fockers are of Grandpa DeNiro.

While no doubt setting up to be a flimsier entry in the franchise that should have been a stand-alone film, I do give this an 'In Theaters' rating, if for no other reason then experience has taught me that under whatever silly circumstances, DeNiro and Stiller together make me laugh.

Until next time.

Greats of Yester-year: Pearl Harbor

Let me start by getting it out of the way: I know the two reasons this movie is hated upon -- their names are Michael Bay and Ben Affleck. I get it. You get it. We all get it.

I'm not here to talk about that. I'm here to talk about this trailer and a personal connection to the material. I'm here to talk about imagery that settles into your minds' eye and doesn't ever let go. I'm here to talk about an amazing woman who, as well as I knew her, I barely knew.

What does all this have to do with the trailer to a bizarro Bruckheimer experiment into historical fiction starring the other half of Matt Damon's amazing career?

My grandmothers' name was Margaret. Marge. Grandma Marge, to me, my sister, and my two cousins. My memories of her consist largely of sitting in her living room with her and the family, watching television for hours and hours. Game shows in the early evenings. Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. And then usually a violent movie after that. Well, violent by 80's standards. Cartoonish by todays.

Those foam, 3-D puzzles that were shaped like famous buildings collected dust around near every inch of her small three-bedroom home, yet I hardly ever saw her building one. The ancient brown carpet in the living room had a crease in it that I used to love to stand on. And there was always that smell that, though in hindsight may have been wood-rot or some kind of mold (the house was very old) always made me feel like I had stepped into a different world. The world that belonged exclusively to Grandma, and we were all just visitors. A select few outsiders that she chose to let in the door.

Her humor was vicious, but her smile when she made the joke was never, ever mean. Countless times I would do as I had been trained as a young boy, leaving her house with an over-the-shoulder "I love you, Grandma," to which she would always reply, "No, you don't." Never did she mean it, of course. Though to this day, I'm not sure if she was trying to teach me conviction or trying to build me a constitution that could respond to cynicism. Perhaps both.

Regardless, the visits were always a variation on the same cycle, which included food, minimal chit-chat, and that crease in the carpet.

But the TV. The TV was always on. I never saw it off.

Charles Bronson, Clint Eastwood and Arnold Schwarzenegger were staples of the television at Grandma Marge's. Maybe because they were tough. Maybe because they were so tough, they weren't quite real. Maybe because in some strange way, she had more in common with them then the Kathryn Hepburns of the world. Ironic considering that she so resembled a Hepburn in her youth. But her life was never so kind as to let her enjoy that.

In December, 1941, she was a beautiful young woman of 20, living in Hawai'i, existing in a curious life so different from what any of us can imagine. As a civilian working at the base at Pearl Harbor, she spent her days working around military men who flocked to her and begged her for dates, to which she got the sadistic pleasure of consistently letting them down, even though secretly, nothing made her stand up and take notice like a Marine. Arrogant, cocky things that they were. (It should be noted here that my Grandfather was a Marine).

On the morning of December 7, my grandmother awoke to the sounds of airplanes flying very close to the ground. A trip outside revealed a sky swarming with Japanese aircraft. Japanese Zeroes over an American naval base; planes so close to the ground that the expressions on the young pilots' faces could be seen.

My grandmother passed away 59 years later when I was a freshman in college. The childish boredom of my youth had turned into a growing interest in history, especially my family's history, but by the time I was of the age to appreciate what mattered, cancer had started its all-too-familiar damage, and communication was difficult, if not impossible. Combine that with being away during that first reckless year of college... you can fill in the rest.

I never really got to know the woman that I had watched so many hours of television with. Personally, anyway. She remains as present as ever in stories and anecdotes, usually involving her pulling tricks on my father and his siblings during weekly viewings of 'The Twilight Zone' that left them horrified and in need of new shorts.

But one of the few images she had shared with me as I passed from bored-youth to invested-young adult was of those Japanese pilots.

While I can't remember which happened first, this trailer for Pearl Harbor or Grandma passing away, I do know that the moment I saw it, all I could think about was her. The shot of the children on the baseball field, as the Japanese aircraft pass by, hovering what looks like ten feet off the ground. It was a picture drawn from my mind, based solely on her brief description of what she had seen that day.

Words are too indelicate to describe what it felt like to get this brief window into the woman that I had known and not really known for my entire life.

In the most unusual way, a piece of gimmicky advertising from a lowest-common-denominator producer had given me something that I could never have imagined. Perspective. Every conversation I'd ever had with my grandmother came into new light. Her every pause when telling a story. Every far-off look in her eye.

Perhaps that's why she liked those Bronson/Eastwood/Schwarzenegger movies so much. Maybe she'd just seen enough reality for a lifetime, and now merely required cartoons for tried-and-tested adults.

This trailer has long stood as an important piece of work for me. The music and imagery in it capture an epic sense of tragedy and loss, a vicious rape of freedom and pride, arguably not felt again until the second September of the last decade.

But mostly, whenever I see it, I am reminded of a fact I still believe today: that big things, little things, anything can be a window for you to gain a fresh perspective. And I remember how lucky I am that a little bit of that general childhood disinterest was forgiven for me, and I got to know an amazing woman just a tiny bit better.

Michael Bay can make as many Transformer 2's as he wants, and you can all hate him with as much hate as you can. I'll forever owe him at least a little bit.

Until next time.