Natalie Portman Appreciation Day

A few years ago, it seemed like Jude Law was in everything. I couldn't sit through a movie preview without seeing that absurdly perfect jawline grinning at me. I didn't get it. Why did he want to be in so many movies at once? Was it like a game?

Well, now Jude sits not alone on that silly mantle; Natalie Portman appears to be in everything nowadays. And on the heels of her incredible performance in 'Black Swan' that will surely earn her an Oscar nomination (if not the award itself), we're going to take an entry here to look at Natalie Portman's upcoming slate, since you can't watch a preview right now without her surprising you showing up in it.

Let's get this started with a bang:

Thor (May 6, 2011)


Thor is a preview about people overreacting. People yell for no reason. Curse each other for no reason. Even the opening lines about "It's not easy to do what you did..." seems like an overreaction based on what they show us when he says it. From the looks of it, I could beat up those doctors and security guards.

I say this knowing that Kenneth Branagh is a great director and that in the film itself, none of these overreactions are likely to appear as such. But for argument's sake, the trailer sure looks like people overreacting. Father and son curse each other at the top of their lungs. Why? Not sure. But Thor is a dude who comes from a world where magic and science "are one in the same."

He is sent down to Earth in a classic overreaction and lands in front of Natalie Portman. His absurdly unbelievable reaction to waking up looking at her is to whine. Maybe his father was right in banishing him. He clearly is an idiot.

Things get hairy, people come after Thor. At one point, I'm pretty sure Gort's evil twin brother sets down in a small desert town and starts blowing stuff up and presumably Thor decides that Natalie Portman is worth killing for and decides to stop complaining. I promise there's nothing hotter than her where ever he's from.

Trailer works fine the way action-movie trailers do. Minimal set-up. Actions clips get meshed together to the point where they make no sense but sure do look cool. The Marvel cinematic universe continues to expand. 'The Avengers' gets further set up.

Nothing unique added to the mix. Casting looks interesting. But we won't talk about that. Today it's all about Natalie. So for this entry, we'll change our rating scale. We'll just give it a Natalie-watchability rating. 0-10 (ten being the highest)

NWR: Natalie looks good but trailer doesn't show her doing much. 6.

The Other Woman (limited release, February 4, 2011)


Switching gears from Thor, The Other Woman gives Natalie a chance to take center stage and be much more human. In this case, she's not dealing with a muscle-bound god who fell from the stars, she's dealing with the loss of her child and trying to fit into a family where her only true blood connection to them is lost.

Obviously an independent production and teeming with indie-film energy and style, The Other Woman looks pretty solid in the performance categories (except maybe for Lisa Kudrow, who fails to impress me in this trailer). But this piece really belongs to Ms. Portman, who gets to reach out for a maternal part of herself that she has really only barely touched on in films passed. 'Revenge of the Sith' totally doesn't count.

Story doesn't break any new ground, but like so many great pieces of art, it's in the presentation. Trailer also fails to break any new ground, but it does promise both in text and in the visuals that Portman gives a tremendous performance that could just be worth paying admission to see.

It's an interesting choice for her to be sure, but a good one where she can continue to stretch herself and prove that she has not only the looks but the talent to go the distance.

NWR: A great performance and she gets to be a sexy. But a baby does die. 8.

No Strings Attached (January 21, 2011)


What the heck is Natalie Portman doing in this movie?

Some studio exec at Paramount deserves a huge raise, though, because they are giving millions and millions of young men and women exactly what their bodies want: Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher in compromising positions. I speculate that the logic is this: every guy wants Natalie Portman as his friend with benefits. If she were to cry out, "Why can't we just have sex?" to any of us, we would do whatever she asked.

Similarly, millions of young woman like Ashton and think he's got the adorable sense of humor, but they want him to like them for them. So this movie gives an audience of millions a proxy that we can only dream about.

Well played, nameless Paramount executive.

But seriously, what the heck is Natalie Portman doing in this movie?

Trailer gives away just about everything except the last three minutes, and even those can be guessed at. Casting mostly works (Ludacris, really??) but really, the trailer adds absolutely nothing to the art of trailers or to the rom-com genre.

NWR: Spunky Natalie having a lot of sex. 10. But we also have to see Ashton Kutcher doing it with her. -5. Total: 5.

Your Highness (April 5, 2011)


I take it back. What is Natalie Portman doing in THIS movie?

I mean, they already have the adorable Zooey Deschanel as the damsel in distress. Is Portman necessary?

Not that I'm complaining. Of the four films that we have previewed here, this is the only one where she strips down to her underwear on screen. And if you think that's good, find the red-band version of the trailer.

Your Highness comes from the makers of the Pineapple Express, which doesn't help to sell me on the film any, but lets you know what kind of movie you're in for: one that takes two genres that aren't naturally designed to go together, and meshes them seriously. In this case, the stoner comedy and the medieval fantasy epic.

Unlike Pineapple, this one looks like it could just succeed with both, making a credibly fantasy adventure and a funny slacker/loser comedy.

Portman appears to be riffing on her Black Swan role by inhabiting the body of a tough, sexy killer served in a small portion. And it should be noted that between this and the preview for "Strings" that she has a knack for comedy. Her looks are used as an asset, but her timing is sharp.

All-in-all, this one oddly looks the most promising overall of the four we've seen here today.

NWR: Skimpy bathing suit, uses a sword, no Ashton: 10.

Well, that's all for this edition of Natalie Portman Appreciation Day. See you in 2015 when we preview seven movies starring Zac Efron.