Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

This preview for the upcoming fourth installment in the theme-park-ride franchise has the exact same effect on me that the two sequels had:

I can't really make sense of all of it, save for some vague idea what the story is about (the fountain of youth), it runs too long, but every ten seconds I am distracted by something funny that Johnny Depp does as Captain Jack Sparrow, and finally, it's pretty to look at with some dangerous stuff happening along with some scary stuff and some funny stuff. Hans Zimmer's swashbuckling score plays to my ears while my mind wanders countless times during the whole affair. Yet somehow, I get to the end and I think I enjoyed what I saw, but I can't really be sure. I don't remember.

Yes, the trailer does to me exactly what Pirates 2 and 3 did. I do not consider this a strength.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, besides not fitting entirely on many theater marquees, was a surprise to the world. First, it was about pirates, a genre that promised no return for the studio. Second, it was based on a theme-park ride. My goodness, how low had Disney sunk? And third, it had beloved character actor Johnny Depp playing the lead in a huge summer tent-pole picture.

And yet Pirates became as cool as glittery emo vampires are now, theme-park-based movies suddenly seemed (ever-so-slightly) less silly, and Johnny Depp stepped off a sinking boat into A-list movie-star status.

Then came those inevitable sequels, which made mind-numbing amounts of money and further developed the story of Captain Jack and the Robin to his Batman, Will Turner.

Now the time has come for number four, but what's this? Gone is Robin and now, we are left with just Batman?

Normally this is a good thing, but the trailer feels like it's missing something, with two of the three poster faces (Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom) absent from the proceedings. And while Ian McShane's Blackbeard looks to be a scary dude and all, he rather pales in comparison to the 'I'm a Ghost-Pirate!' over-the-topness of Geoffrey Rush from the first film, or Bill Nighy's tentacled Davy Jones from the second and third.

Bless Johnny Depp for making even the most boring of films look even mildly interesting. Perhaps one day, he will be referred to in literature about twenty/twenty-first century pop culture as the Atlas of World Cinema.

Trailer structure is a bit of a mess, but again, this goes to the narrative of the movies themselves. So stylistically, it accurately reflects its source material. Music is to be expected, and most standard beats are hit, without much excitement. Anyone else think maybe the material is just getting long in the gold tooth?

"Maybe on TNT."