Welcome back, sports fans. Been a while. Moving states, not having regular internet, and working 60+ hour weeks will have that effect. But let's forget the past and get on with the future. And in doing so, let's start by looking into the past. Still with me?
So, at the recommendation of one of my best buddies, here is my list of the top five trailers superior to the movies they promote! Doubtless, this list could go on and on and on. So if you have one you feel passionate about that I miss, please throw it into the comments section.
Otherwise, let's get crackin:
Number 5 - X-Men - The Last Stand
X-Men and X2 - X-Men United gave the world a fantastically-energized version of the comic book movie. Forged into reality by director Bryan Singer, aided by sharp writing and insightful casting, the first two X-Men films changed the landscape, only two short years after the pain and suffering that was Batman & Robin. With massive box-office takes, X-Men 3 was not far behind, and thus, we received X-Men the Last Stand, a movie so mediocre, it sucked all the wind out of the sails on a great franchise, and to this day, we still don't have X-Men 4.
The trailer, however, is a great work of art, as it promises an epic battle bigger, better, and with more gut-churning emotion than anything we had been treated to until this point in the story. Dealing with the notion of a mutant cure, X-Men 3 promises from the trailer to give all the characters pause and make them reflect upon their very existence, what they fight for, why they fight for it, and if it's worth it. The movie gets this thematic through-line over within two minutes.
Only a healthy dose of skepticism, as X3 director Brett Ratner has proven himself incapable of the more quietly efficient, thinking-man's films that Singer had made, keeps this trailer from being classified as straight up amazing.
Number 4 - Terminator: Salvation
War. Robots. The struggle for mankind. These are the things that make a terminator-loving action junkie sing with excitement. Take those things and set them in a bleak future where Batman has to protect mankind from a thousand metal demons, and you have the promise for one sweet movie.
Unfortunately, the movie fails to excite. Some interesting action aside, the film suffers from not being able to decide who its main character is, and what their journey should be, and as a result, short-changes all of them. But of course, this trailer doesn't tell you that. This trailer promises a grown up version of little Eddie Furlong from T2 (again, now played by Batman) doing everything he knows how to do to protect wife, child (a potentially interesting throw-back to the first Terminator, anyone?) and the rest of mankind.
I got goose bumps at the first sight of this trailer, as I was sure we were going to get the future-war movie that the series now deserved.
Just goes to show that good trailer-cutters deserve a lot of money. A LOT OF MONEY.
Number 3 - The Matrix Reloaded
Sticking with the theme of robots, war, and sequels, this trailer for The Matrix Reloaded left me thinking that this movie would be nothing short of a spiritual awakening. I would leave the theater asking myself questions about life, love, sex, kung-fu, and the universe. I mean, who doesn't want that from their action flicks?
Instead I got a movie. Like Terminator before this, Reloaded presented some beautiful action sequences, but everything that didn't involve one person hitting another in the face was awkward and flat. The stakes, while supposedly sky-high, never felt so. The pacing of the whole affair was off. I rather compare the experience to eating pizza that is warm at the tip, but cold toward the crust. It's still pizza, but it has broken your heart in a way.
Let's not even get started on Revolutions.
Number 2 - The Village
M. Night has had his moments. Several beautiful moments in a couple wondrous films.
The Village had moments. But was not a wondrous film.
Boy, this trailer sure had me fooled. I walked into The Village expecting some incredible twist on the creatures that live in the woods outside this community. The twist was not incredible. I walked into The Village expecting emotion from unexpected places. The emotion was hardly there. I, at the very least, expected to be gripping the edge of my seat with delightful anxiety as the unseen antagonists in the woods frightened me like the way the ghosts did in The Sixth Sense or the aliens did in Signs.
The only anxiety I felt was a need for the movie to end as quickly as possible.
Hey, you want a twist, Night? The movie takes place 300 years in the future, the creatures in the woods have destroyed everything, and all that is left of earth is this small society. There. Better ending.
Number 1 - Star Wars - Episode I: The Phantom Menace
What else could it be?
Is there any movie trailer more designed to get kids and grown-ups alike on their feet and cheering? Is there anything more exciting then seeing a Star Wars film, lightsabers and villains alike, bursting its way back onto the big screen? In new adventures no less?
Of course not! Which is why this trailer takes the number one spot.
The trailer for The Phantom Menace also stands in for the trailers for Episodes II and III, all of which feature splendid trailers, but films that fail to deliver. And not only fail, but thoroughly fail.
** Honorable mention goes to Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystall Skull. Even typing out the name breaks my heart a little...
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