Fast Five

Two cars dragging a thirty-ton safe behind them through a busy city during rush hour at speed.

Let me say that again. Two cars. Dragging a 30-ton safe. On chains behind them. At speed.

If that doesn't tell you exactly what kind of movie you're signing up for, then there's really no help for you. While in real life, I would expect nothing short of a tank to (slowly) accomplish such a task, Fast Five, the fifth (and likely, not final) installment in the Fast franchise, gives us two modified Dodge Chargers performing this very stunt. The 2010 Dodge Charger has a rough towing capacity of 2000 lbs. To accomplish this task for real, they would require something more like the Dodge Ram 350, which would drive much more slowly and look considerably less cool in a 'Fast-movie' chase scene.

Thank goodness for that whole suspension of disbelief thing.

While the watchability of the Fast movies has long depended upon the individual's ability to be tricked into shutting off your brain by the lights of pretty girls, pretty cars, creatine-loving guys and tough-man dialogue, the movies have mostly relied (to admirable lengths) on real car stunts. And while the physics of this stunt seem less-than-real-world likely, other stunts shown off in the trailer are obviously quite real.

CGI artists around the world have become expert at fooling our eyes on many things, but there is something reassuringly honest about the Bay-style quick-cuts featuring a car being ripped to pieces as it smashes into a road block that cars aren't normally designed to crash into.

If you are so moved by the franchise that you genuinely care about the characters, there is enough here for you. Vin Diesel is back, along with Paul Walker and Jordana Brewster, from Fast 1 and 4. Also along for the ride are Tyrese and Ludacris from Fast 2, and the character of Han from Fast 3 (whose mere presence reveals Fast Five to be a prequel to 'Tokyo Drift').

Joining the muscly-fun is Dwayne Johnson, who between this and the totally unrelated 'Faster,' seems to be leaving behind Disney-family-flicks and thankfully returning to action. His speech about "above all else, never, ever, let them get in their cars." is snappy in the right silly way, and his aggressive pursuit of the criminals is the most interesting and inspired new development in the 'arc' of the series since... well... ever.

Really, it's about the babes and the cars. Both seem to be in full effect, with a dandy shot of Israeli supermodel Gal Gadot (from Fast 4) wearing a two-piece, and pretty much everything else featuring either cars or explosions.

Structure of the trailer is standard with cold intro, reveal of Vin Diesel and Paul Walker (the marquee faces, still after a decade), and fast montage of action that makes little sense while watching it, but at least serves to remind the audience that, hey, we used real cars!

Points lost for directly referencing the trailer for 'Fast and Furious,' which featured the tagline, "New Model, Original Parts" in reference to the return of all four leads from the original film. This trailers' line is, "This Model... is Fully Loaded," referencing that the stars from pretty much every film in the series gets featured. I'm pretty sure that no one but me and a handful of other weirdos (Call me! Let's hang out!) remember that detail from their marketing campaign. So shame on this trailer for expecting that anyone did. Coughcoughahem.

Trailer length and music selections all worked pretty well. But really, the best thing they did was highlighting that safe-dragging stunt. Some may be annoyed that they gave that stunt away in the previews, but really -- there is no better indication for what kind of flick you're in for.

"In Theaters."